The organisation cares for a special set of people who are vulnerable in any African society. They are often subjected to untold hardship more often than not.

The traditional African set up has some practices and norms which are anti-widows, such practices sometimes include deprivation of access to the husband’s properties, forfeiture of entitlements, which invariably leaves many of the widows poor. Widows are subject to a lot of inhumane treatment. The experiences of widows at the demise of their husbands, that is, what most widows experience amount to subjugation, deprivation and humiliation; especially with some ritual practices that vary from culture to culture.

The philosophy behind these ritual practices is the belief that a widow is considered ritually unclean until the defilement cause by the demise of the husband is removed.

These rituals which are very degrading include the following:

a. Prohibition of bathing, talking etc

b. Sleeping with the corpse of the deceased husband as a symbolic last sexual act

c. Drinking the bath water of the dead husband’s corpse to prove wife’s innocence

d. Shaving of the head and other private parts, and

e. Incarceration for several days or months.

Our organisation has the initiative of standing for and with widows in our society as a pillar of support for them; in some cases, we obtain the services of lawyers to defend them.

The appreciations so far received on the basis of the little things we do as well as the expression of joy and happiness which followed most of our programs, show that if we have more opportunities like the availability and provision of funds, we will be able to help more widows.

The Widows' Plight

Care to Share Stories

I am 42 years of age, I lost my husband 5 years ago when the eldest of our three children was in SSS 2 and the last born was in JSS 1. It was as if the whole world was against me when the incident, happened. Now two of the children are undergraduates and the burden of taking care of them is becoming too much for me to bear with my salary and the little I collect from our tenants on yearly basis. My problem now is that a man is showing up in my life. He is generous, kind and quite understanding, but, my first son doesn't want to see him at all. What do I do?

It was initially a platonic relationship, but, we were later head over heels in love and it led us to the altar. After our National Service, we were lucky to get good jobs through her parents' connection and the marriage was blessed with two children. Unfortunately, she died while trying to please me. The shock was too much for me to the extent that I almost had a mental problem. During the burial I swore that I would never get married again and that death cannot separate us. Now there is a problem. I see her almost everyday in my dream still acting like my wife in real life. Now, there is a pressure that I should re-marry and I have started to see why it is a must for me. Please, what can I do?

Immediately after my husband's death, I was thrown out with my five female children by his family. They said my children and I were witches. We were denied access to his properties. Today, four of the children are University Graduates and two are planning for their wedding ceremonies. Please, what do I do : at least somebody should represent their father? Left to my children alone, they don't want to see them.

I was happily married to a Dynamic Servant of God. He was a complete husband who understood the principles and aspirations in marriage. I enjoyed him. God allowed him to pass away unto glory about 20 years after our wedding. It was a sorrowful situation. He left three children behind. Based on Biblical injunction, I desire to re-marry since I am still relatively young. I wish to have somebody who is a widower (Christian) and has decided on the issue of child bearing. My children will not oppose this, on the condition that I must not leave their father's house. This situation is not as easy as stated here. Do you not think I need to fulfill my personal desire and, or at the same time have patience with my children.

I am 26 years of age, my husband died few days after I put to bed: our second baby. His mother is still living in our house because he left behind two buildings and 3 cars one for me and two for him. We were both managing his business before his death which makes it easy for me to continue with. He was the only child of the mother, hence, the woman has no other place to go. Our relationship is very cordial but at the same time I have the urge to remarry. Please where do I go?

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Practical Issues Affecting Widows

Real Life Experiences

I am a woman who married about 28 years ago. I married an Architect. We were in the same Christian Assembly. Things were very difficult during the early years of our marriage. God blessed the marriage with three (3) children (2 boys and a girl) but then, the girl died after living for just one day. I loved my husband and he loved me too. We lived together for five (5) years in hardship, but in the fifth year, God gave us a breakthrough and we became prosperous. When I delivered my third baby (a boy), he promised to establish a Business Centre for me, and stopped me from the private company where I was working. But within three (3) months (before he could fulfill the promise), death struck and I witnessed the greatest loss of my life, my husband died! After his death, I couldn't feed myself and the children. No one (from my father's side or mother's side, even my husband's family) noticed the existence of my children and myself. We were neglected, rejected and abandoned. We faced thorough hardship which made me withdrew my first son from private school to public school, since I couldn't pay the exorbitant school fees. Three (3) months after his death, I got a job as Computer Operator with another private company. I had to take my two (2) children with me to work since I couldn't afford to pay for daycare services for them. Few months later, my appointment was terminated because where I was working, (according to my boss), I could not concentrate well on the job because of the care of the children. No one was ready to employ me with my kids. I had to go from one place to another visiting people in order to get our daily food. In search of daily food, I was on my way to one of my siblings, unfortunately I fell down with the little baby at my back, and my eldest son that I was holding with one hand and baby basket at the other hand. It looked as if I should die there that day because the agony was too much for me (kini ojo ori mi, eyi po ju fun mi). The question in my mind always is that "why me?"

To provide a shelter for myself was another battle of life because I couldn't afford to pay for house rent, but glory be to God Almighty, who brought me in contact to an old woman (also a widow) who gave me a room in her building to live without paying a penny for good two years. Although the roof of the room was leaking profusely but what could I do when I didn't have any other option than to park in. Whenever it rained, I would have to sit up and laid my children on my lap and put bowls on the bed to prevent water from flooding the entire bed. When my little baby was about a year old, he was seriously ill and was admitted to the hospital. On discharge, I couldn't pay the hospital bill, and my first son was taken hostage while I went around looking for money in tears. God assisted me greatly and someone paid the bill.

At this juncture, I decided in my heart that the best and only solution to my problem was to commit suicide because I could not be begging for everything in life. But God, through the Holy Spirit, prevented me from doing so. On that day (June 1st, 2003) which I had planned to commit suicide, fortunately, my mother and my junior sister brought a Computer System to me which brought little relieve to me but I had no shop to keep the Computer System. So, I kept them in my Church. God in HIS mercy, on the following day, a woman (Landlady) sent for me and she allowed me to occupy a shop in her Shopping Complex for the period of four (4) months till I would make money for the rentage. After a year that I had rented the Shop, there was an increase in the price of the rentage which I couldn't afford, so the woman intended to lock up the shop.

I was greatly downcast and unhappy because there was no way out for its payment. But one glorious day, the spirit of God directed my steps to Oba Adesida Road in Akure, where I was fortunate to meet Pastor Adameji whom I knew since 1992. He informed me about Joybearers Conference coming up very soon and also invited me. I was so happy with the intention that all my problems will be settled. I kept looking at the calendar each day not to miss the programme. At last, I was fortunate to attend the Conference. For the first time in the period of my widowhood, I received a great consolation which no one had ever given me. I got the courage to face tomorrow due to the lectures given during the Conference of the year. Joybearers Care Organisation made me knew that God is actually more interested in me (Isaiah 54:4-8). It taught me: how important I am in God's hand, to have faith in God, to live a holy life; to depend on God for all things; (Isaiah 61:10, Heb. 12:2, Isaiah 41:10), how to invest by myself (SWOT), how to train my children, how to make myself happy; to always put on my best look and make myself somebody. This inspiration took me to the next level of improving my life academically. By the grace of God, I am now an HND Holder. I use Joybearers messages like a life/spirit tonic throughout a year waiting eagerly for another year's Conference in order to receive another life/spirit tonic. I thank my father and mother in the Lord, the President of Joybearers Care Organisation and his loving wife, Pastor Mrs. Ola Amuda who took up my matter without knowing where I was from (gave me a Computer Set and paid for my house rent for consecutive two (2) years and lots more. Amongst the gifts given to me was a blanket (we were still using it till today) (Isa. 58:10, Gal. 6:10) Mum and Dad I love you too much.

Years later, I got employed to a Public Service where I was employed as a Typist but later rose to the position of Senior Confidential Secretary. During the course of my service, I was advised by people to remarry, but I felt reluctant because I do not know what lied ahead. But people kept saying that if I delay in doing this, my children are boys, when they grow up, they will see any other man with me as their rival. Though most of my decisions were made with my children.

We discussed and I made decision to remarry. But what I realized being a widow was that, single man or widower does not want to marry widow but rather single ladies, why? I later decided to follow suit. I got pregnant for a married man with the intention of having a father for my children so that no other child will bully them because they have being asking them about their father. On entering into another marriage, I discovered it was a taboo, no one can father another person's child well. It is only God-sent man who can do so. I acknowledge my maker, GOD Almighty who saw my heart in search of a man as husband and gave a gift of a son to me. I later withdrew myself from the marriage. Oh no, it doesn't work like that for widow with children. I tried again to enter into another marriage, oh no, it didn't work. I thereafter rest my case. I am happy today being in Christ. I am doing great, and GOD ALMIGHTY is overseeing all the affairs of my life and children.

Praise the Lord!

My story would be incomplete without the word of appreciation to someone special to my family, my father and mother in the Lord (even their children, they were so lovely), whom GOD has used to pick me up from miry clay, who have greatly contributed to my success both spiritually, morally, financially and physically, Pastor and Mrs Ola Amuda. For understanding me and for given words of encouragement throughout this period of my widowhood, I love you all..

One

Empowering Lives

Providing support, therapy, advice, and funding for business start ups.

Petty Trading Assistance

Surrogate Parenting

Many of the Widows registered with our organisation are poor and several of them at one point or the other have approached us for help. We have been able to assist some of them in very critical conditions depending on the availability of funds.Some did not have any work or business prior to the demise of their husband and to cope with three, four and sometimes five children had posed serious challenges to them. Depending on availability of funds, we provide some of them funds to start petty trading and small enterprises.

The organisation encourages couples to take the children of the very poor widows as children to themselves. The children can visit them or spend some time with them. The surrogate parents are encouraged to take up some of the children's responsibilities like payment of their school fees, purchase of trading/skill equipment among others. This has brought life and happiness not only to the children but to the widows themselves. From available records, many children have benefited from this program and some of the children are now either graduates or well-established in their trades.

Spiritual and Material Support

The organisation has helped in giving both spiritual and material support to widows. Prayers and counselling periods were organised mainly for widows. Members do stand up to help many widows by contributing to the education of their children, providing them with food stuff and clothing. It was discovered that widows in this type of environment where assistance were given them were able to cope with widowhood challenges than their counterpart without helpers.

Re-integration Scheme

Older Widows Mentorship

Social support and participation

The social support and participation program of the JoyBearers has yielded much joy to the widows. Members often participate and support social activities of its registered widows. Apart from giving at such ceremonies which usually serve as a moral boost to the concerned widows, members also strive to show their presence at such ceremonies.

JoyBearers Organisation through this Scheme makes use of the older and experienced widows to help share experiences in counselling new or fresh widows. This is with the purpose that the conditions they were when they became widows and the achievements they have made now, can also be of help for the new widows to overcome their challenges. The scheme has been of great help in consoling and rehabilitating new widows.

JoyBearers also help in re-integrating them into the society by standing during the period of their widowhood rites and encouraging their involvement in church activities which has greatly helped them in overcoming the problems of loneliness.

JoyBearers Annual Conference

The Organisation holds annual conferences for widows in the first weekend of every September, each year. The widows’ attendance at such conferences has risen from about 150 participants at its maiden edition to about 400 participants.

The Conferences are usually held free of charge: free feeding and accommodation are usually provided with free transportation fares for Widows from anywhere they attended in Nigeria. It is usually a period of refreshing that widows that have attended look forward to every year.

The meetings afford the opportunity to counsel, motivate, and train the widows on relevant skills and trades that can assist them to cope with loneliness and widowhood challenges as well as improve their standard of living, especially those who do not have any source of livelihood. And it is also an avenue for them to share their experiences and encourage one another.

There are so many testimonials of widows that have been encouraged, healed and helped through such meetings.

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