(JOB.14:14)
INTRODUCTION
Losing loved ones, be it in an unexpected or anticipated circumstance is always traumatic and a devastating experience that many people face today. This is especially true when one has life’s most profound losses – the loss of wife and husband. The process of transition from wife to widow or husband to widower is very quick and fast.
But the process of change or recovery is often long and sometime tragic. A business woman once confessed that one evening a widow who lived on her floor knocked on her door and said she was lonely. She told her politely but bluntly that she was busy. The widow apologized for bothering her and left. Sadly, that very night, the widow committed suicide. Afterward, the business woman said that she had learned a hard lesson.
Widows generally engage in a multi-dimensional process of recovery and change. These processes provide her with clear privileges at the end of her traumatic period to become stronger and more useful not only to herself but to others.
A 50 years old widow was found hanging from a tree near the Odo-Ona River in Ibadan on August 27, 2012. Her disappearance from home was said to be suspicious because she left the house without her shoes and phone.
“She was strong-minded since five years ago when her husband died and nowthat she had pushed through the difficult times, it will take God to say why she did this” an eye witness said. What is the process of pushing through the difficult times?
Thus, Job was passionate and resolute when he said he looked and waited “till my change come” Job 14:14. As widows and widowers in this Conference, we must never rest on our quest for a complete turnaround. For it is then you would have become active again and stronger individual to face and surmount challenges as well as difficulties and yet be victorious. That will be your lot in the Name of Jesus.
From the various experiences of people and counseling we had, the following are the processes leading to complete turnaround in widowhood.
(a) From Husband to widower/wife to widow
(b) Becoming a victim and the Traumatic experience
(c) Rehabilitation process
(d) Surviving process
(e) Active Individual
(f) Stronger Individual
(A) Becoming a widow or widower
Even, when the death of a partner was unexpected or through anticipated circumstances, it does not take much time to become a widow or widower.
- Can you still recall the circumstance that led to the death of your loved one?
How long did it take for him to die when death came?
(b) “So I am a widow/er now” “Is it true that he had actually died?
(c) The transition from wife to widow or husband to widower, is very real and painful. Job.4:3-5;17:11-12;3:24;17:1-3
(d)How did you react the first time you were called a widow/er? Ruth 1:18-22
(B) Becoming a Victim and the Traumatic experience
The ways widow are treated in the various cultures in the world over vary. Widows especially are not well treated in this our environment. Consider some of the inhuman treatment met out to widows in society.
- Drinking the bath water of the dead husband’s corpse to prove wife’s innocence.
b. Shaving of the head of the widow
c. Sleeping with the corpse as a symbolic last sexual act.
d. Prohibition of bathing, talking etc.
(i) Tell us briefly what your experience was at the demise of your husband? Job 7:13-17. 16:15-20
Were you well treated? Compare this with Job 12:4
(ii) What was the relationship between you and your departed loved one before his demise?
(iii) Discuss some of the regrets you had (if any) after the death of your loved one in relation to:
(a)What you did not know while he was alive;
(b) The secret he kept from you;
(c) Why you could not forgive him;
(d) Unfulfilled dreams etc.
(iv) How did you handle the following during your traumatic period?
- Mourning-did you give yourself free opportunity to mourn? Do you know that postponing a confrontation with your feelings-weeping etc can compound your grief reaction? Job 1:20-22
- Range of emotional reactions- shock, unbelief, anger, pain, yearning- reactions that overlap one another. Ruth 1: 20
(iii) Overcoming grief-it has been said that one of the myths of mourning is that it has an ending point, although it requires work and commitment of individuals.
(iv) Taming one’s fear – in respect of finances, fortune, projects, losing control,etc.
(v) Health related issues-Grief can have great effect on our health.
Surviving and Active Individual
In view of the fact that you are alive today shows that you survived the experience. Alleluyah to God. One of the most important issues about grief is that it is a severe but self-limited condition and not a permanent state of the mind.
(a) Mention some of the things that can help our healing process:
i.
ii.
iii
iv
(b) How were you able to deal with the spirit of “I wish I had” after the death of your husband?
(c) Mention the role played by the following in making you an active person again.
(i) The experience of others;
(ii) When you shoved aside the fear of men(people)
(iii) When you were able to say no to what you did not like after the death of your loved one;
(v) When you started dressing well/looking nice;
(vii)When you started performing your roles in the family, place of work and the church?
(viii) When you began to go to the public places/market
Becoming a stronger Person
The experience widows go through often make them stronger, tougher and better persons. Sometimes, a widow will literally become a “Man” or a Manwoman.” after passing through the painful ordeal.
(a) Compare your response and disposition to issues and people after the suffering you encountered.
(b) You must learn to deal with your present status and situation vis-à-vis what you were before. Job had this type of problem. Job 29:7-10
(c) Forgiving others makes us stronger-Job 42:8-13
(d) Job 42:11 – where were these brethren/sisters when he was passing through this horrible situation. Can you still accommodate such people?
CONCLUSION:
If God had allowed Job to live out his life in poverty, and disrepute, it would not have diminished the goodness and the greatness of the Lord. Job, was at peace with God before he was fully restored by God. Through his experiences in the darkest hours of his life, God brought him to his boldest and strongest expression of faith “I know that my Redeemer liveth”.The latter end of your life shall be blessed by the Lord more than your beginning. Job 42:12. He has promised to be with you (see you through) in trouble. Ps.90:15
Never the less, we must all prepare for the final change (the Rapture) at the coming of our Lord and Saviour. I Cor. 15:45-58.